There is a difference between being emotionally reactive and responsive. Most people seem to react hastily when triggered, hence being emotionally reactive, especially when angered. I have seen many of my clients problematise anger. Cummins (2003) describes anger as an emotional response to invalidations. Considering that encountering invalidations is an inevitable part of life, it is unavoidable that we will experience anger in various aspects of our lives. Therefore, the problem is how one expresses their feelings of anger and articulates their frustrations when angered. People often do not realise how excruciating words can be, particularly when they are aimed at a person’s character. Most people impulsively talk when engulfed by anger without considering the impact of their words. Some time back, when I was working with offenders in the Correctional Centres, one client said something so profound, “People do not realise that they cannot take back words.” Therefore, it is crucial to be mindful of what you say and how you say it. However, mindfulness is difficult to achieve in a state of emotional turmoil, which means one must learn how to pause and ask for a timeout to regulate their emotions and maintain a healthy relationship. The problem is that some people seem to think that timeout involves simply walking away without any explanation. They don’t realise that depending on the triggers of the person you are in a dyadic relationship (a relationship between two people (Procter, 2014)) with, the act of walking away might be construed as disrespectful, which will fuel the intensity of the situation. Therefore, the request for a timeout has to be approached constructively, in which one identifies and acknowledges their feelings before asking for time to process what has transpired. However, the relationship has to be safe enough for one to feel free to request a timeout.
