Celine Dion captured it so well in her lyrics, “Goodbye is the saddest word I will ever hear … Goodbye is the last time I will hold you near.” How do you say goodbye to someone that you love? How do you say goodbye to someone who is the root of your life? How do you say goodbye to someone who is the “wind beneath my wings” (borrowed from Bette Midler’s song)? How do you say goodbye to someone who hurt you? Indeed, losing a loved one to death is an inevitable part of life, which we will all encounter at some point. Processing the loss of a significant person is not only painful but also complicated. The intricacy is exacerbated in cases where the individuals did not have a good and close relationship with each other. For instance, where do you even begin to make sense of the ordeal if the deceased physically, verbally, emotionally, psychologically, sexually, or financially abused you, and or abandoned you? If you have not been through any mode of therapy before the loss, it is not only the actual death that you have to deal with, but also the painful lived traumas. People who have overcontrolled tendencies (i.e., who draw on inhibition as a coping strategy (Megargee, 1966)) often think that if they “keep it moving”, all will be well. No, the reality is that at some point your inhibition ability will fail you and you will explode with extreme anger and/or crash with excessive anxiety. Adverse experiences do not just fade away. You have to make a constructive and intentional decision to stop running and confront them. Therapy is not an easy, simple, and comfortable journey. Joyce Meyer, in her book “Healing the Soul of a Woman: How to Overcome Your Emotional Wounds,” stated that there is no painless path to healing.
